Do you have a new book for me?

uh huh

Are you okay?

I'm waiting for you to tell me the name of the book.

Oh. It's called "The Ickabog".

Icka-what?

Ickabog.

Icka-dog?

Ickabog. Bog like the marsh, marshland, wetland

So why don't we call it the Ickamarsh?

Cause I'm picky about the names.

Okay then.

So the story begins with the classic, "once upon a time opening line telling us all about blond men living in a magical land.

 I like blond men in magical lands.

What?

huh?

I thought you just said you like blond men in magical lands.

(looking away, pretending not to understand anything) 

So what happens next?

Well we introduce the main character King Fred the Fearless and give him a bunch of descriptive words such as yellow, fine, magnificent, tight, velvet and ruffled.

Why the descriptive words?

I had too much time to write this book and decided to use all the words in the dictionary.

Dictionaries are nice.

Then I mention Fred's father's horrible teeth and nothing else about him whatsoever.

Why would we do that?

Simply because I could :) 

That's Amazing!

Do you want to hear the name of the kingdom they live in?

This is not an interview.

I'm sorry?

(looking away, pretending not to understand anything AGAIN) 

What's the name of the kingdom they live in?

Cornucopia.

Can I cope with ya?

C O R N U C O P I A

Corny copy ya?

COR NU CO PIA

Didn't I say that Dictionaries are nice.

You did.

so let's move on...

No problem. So of course we have to give Blond Fred friends and give them made up names.

Of course.

Lords Spittleworth and Flapoon.

Are you having a seizure and trying to be rude at the same time?

That's King Fred's friends names.

Oh! (passive aggressive)

Are Spitwell and Flappy mooching off the king in the story?

How did you know?

That seems like the kinda thing friends of a king with distorted names would do.

You see right through the plot.

What about a love interest for Fred?
Do we have one?

Of course, and she is a lady.

 I like ladies.

You do, and apparently blond men.

What???

(ignores and continues speaking)

The love interest, Lady Eslanda, islanda, Elanda is...

What is happening?

Every time I try to pronounce her name, I think of the word Island.

Islands are nice but can you get to the point?

She's a bookworm, super serious and mature.

Okay, okay...

But Fred is childish, likes to kill deer and catch wasps.

Sounds like someone Lady Island can turn into a mature king, except the catching of the wasps part. What's up with that?

Fred, apparently, caught a wasp and gave himself the "Fearless" title.

How is being Fearless related to catching a wasp?

I don't know.

Perfect...

We are going to explore more about Fred's Toxic friends in later chapters as I'm only telling you about Chapter 1 in this meeting.

Is there anything else I should know?

Yes, a different king pimps out his daughter for pastries.

What kinda pastries?

No clue, but I’m going to call it Hopes-of-Heaven. 

Sounds delish…

Anything else weird?

Well you see, people in Cornucopia have this cheese fetish.

Great start!

What’s in Chapter 2? 

...